Halloween came early for the studio audience of X Factor last night as they were subjected to a frenzied outburst from crazed monster Chernobyl Cole, an hour before the main programme began. Chernobyl was obviously in some distress, having just escaped from the ambulance where she had been bound and gagged for the safety of the public.
She proceeded to gatecrash an energetic warm-up number called Promise This and managed to mime her way through the vocals, waving her arms about like a woman possessed. It was some time before paramedics managed to get her back into the ambulance to prepare her for the start of the show. Having pondered over how best to conceal their huge gaffe they decided to stick with the Bedlam look.
Their imaginative cover-up seemed to go unnoticed and most of the audience thought her straitjacket and leg-irons were just some crazy fashion statement, rather than a primitive method of keeping her legs shut. Several shots of morphine later and Chernobyl was back to her ‘normal’ self although no amount of drugs could alter that hideous accent.
ITV bosses breathed a collective sigh of relief and skimmed over the whole debacle with the briefest of statements denying that Miss Cole had mimed at all during her performance. You’d almost think it had been planned.
