Decide on the venue. Invite the guests. Tidy up. Put the food in the oven. Chill the drinks. Done? Then you are ready to host a house party, David Miliband-style. In a ruse borrowed from US President Barack Obama's election campaign, the Labour leadership candidate has asked supporters to organise house meetings to boost his campaign. Luckily for the less gregarious among those championing the elder Mililband's cause, the shadow foreign secretary has produced tips on how to host the gatherings, including a "kit" to share his personal tips on how to host the best bash.
Stand in the middle of an empty room looking like a twat
The six page document, entitled "So you've decided to hold a house meeting for David", is what might best be described as 'foolproof'. For those confused as to what to do once they have thought of their guestlist, Miliband comes to the rescue again with tip three. "Invite them," the guidelines state. "It's probably easiest to give them a call." If telephony is not your cup of tea, email is suggested, with a 163-word example of how to word the message ready supplied.
Perhaps most invaluable to house meeting organisers, however, is the time-specific suggested itinerary of how the evening could run. At 5.30pm, hosts are advised to return to their home from work. Once there, "give the place a quick vacuum", David advises – before perhaps betraying liberal tendencies by adding: "Or not, if you're not that type." With the cleaning done, put the oven on, "and get the nibbles in … if there are drinks, get them chilling."
At 7pm, the serious work begins. "People are arriving, take their coats, get them a drink. More importantly, get them to fill in the sign-in sheet." Any concerns that the events could be beset by carousing are addressed by the 9pm entry, which recommends: "Finish the meeting with a thank you for the commitments people have made". Those who have become fervent Miliband supporters during the heady environment of the house meeting should be encouraged, the guidelines add, to "spread the word".
In addition to the advisory document, the leadership contender has uploaded a video to YouTube entitled "A message from David to your house meeting," which he recommends hosts play to their guests, while those informing Miliband's supporters of their event could be treated to a telephone call from the man himself – sure to get the party rocking. The well-meaning guidance was not particularly well appreciated on Twitter, where it was variously described as an attempt at "mind control" and "hilarious", but a spokeswoman laughed off criticism yesterday. "It is not a diktat. It is light-hearted. You can tell from the tone," she said. "If you want to be leader you need to know how to organise a party."
Tomorrow: how to organise a Labour party conference. Just more of the same, I expect.
