Saturday, 4 September 2010

A (five-minute) Journey by Tony Blah

Let me save you the bother...

On the early days, working with Gordon Brown: “Our minds moved fast and at that point in sync. When others were present, we felt the pace and power diminish, until, a bit like lovers desperate to get to lovemaking but disturbed by old friends dropping around, we would try to bustle them out.” [What the fuck? - Ed]

A night with Cherie after deciding to fight for the leadership the day John Smith died:  “She cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me; made me feel that what I was about to do was right. On that night, I needed that love Cherie gave me, selfishly. I devoured it to give me strength. I was an animal following my instinct, knowing I would need every ounce of emotional power to cope with what lay ahead. I was exhilarated, afraid and determined in roughly equal quantities.” [get outta here! - Ed]

Disagreeing with Brown over running for leader: “We were like a couple who loved each other, arguing over whose career should come first. There is no doubt he felt a sense of betrayal. He never expected me to put myself forward.” [Well, not in that dress, no - Ed]


The agreement to make way for Brown: “There was never a deal in the sense that his standing down as a leadership rival was contingent on my agreeing to help him come after me [it's only polite], nonetheless there was an understanding. Looking back, I was too eager to persuade and too ready to placate. The truth is I couldn’t guarantee it; and it was irresponsible to suggest or imply I could.” 

Brown’s faults: [clears the decks] “I began to realise, with dismay but then sobriety, that something was missing. Something he lacked. Something I started to know I had. Political calculation, yes. Political feelings, no. Analytical intelligence, absolutely. Emotional intelligence, zero. He was difficult, at times maddening. Gordon is a strange guy.” [Wait till he comes after you with an axe - Ed]

Resisting sacking Brown: “I came to the conclusion that having him inside [me? - Ed] and constrained was better than outside and let loose or, worse, becoming the figurehead of a far more damaging force.” 

Cherie’s gaffes: “Cherie didn’t always help herself, and as I have remarked before she had this incredible instinct for offending the powerful, especially in the media, who were unfortunately far too well placed in taking revenge.” [You mean the gob on her? - Ed]

Carole Caplin: [orders more paper] “My close office were intrigued but generally dismayed by Carole. Alastair Campbell was convinced she [was a man] would sell her story. She never did. Whatever indignity was visited on her, she remained dignified. Her boyfriend Peter Foster was a ‘huge mistake’ for her.”

His drink habit: “Stiff whisky or G&T before dinner, couple of glasses of wine or even half a bottle with it. So not excessively excessive. I had a limit. But I was aware that it had become a prop." [Oh, you mad fool - Ed]

Princess Diana: [passes the tissues] “We were both in our ways manipulative people, perceiving quickly the emotions of others and able instinctively to play with them. She was extraordinarily captivating... she flirted normally. I really liked her and, of course, was as big a sucker for a beautiful princess as the next man; but I was hairy too.” [no, it said 'wary' really, just my little joke - Ed

On a visit to Chequers in July 1997, a month before her death, Blair felt compelled to share his concerns over Diana’s relationship with Dodi Fayed: “She didn’t like it and I could feel the wilful side of her bridling.” [beg pardon? - Ed]

On calling her the people’s princess on the morning of her death: “It seems like something from another age. And corny. And over the top. But at the time, it felt natural.” [I pissed myself - Ed]

The Royal Family: Princess Anne is “stunningly rude”. The Queen “exhibited hauteur on occasion”. A weekend at Balmoral is “a vivid combination of the intriguing, surreal and the utterly freaky.” [The Queen Mother at it again, was she? - Ed]

Almost shooting down a passenger plane flying over London in the panic after 9/11: [passes round the After Eights] “I had the senior RAF commander authorised to get my decision. The fighter jet was airborne. For several anxious minutes we talked, trying desperately to get an instinct as to whether this was a threat. The deadline came. I decided we should hold back. Moments later the plane regained contact. It had been a technical error. I needed to sit down and thank God after that one." [Time for another drink, Tony? - Ed]

John Prescott: On Prezza’s affair with secretary Tracey Temple [hahahahahahaha! - Ed], exposed by the Daily Mirror in 2006: “In purely selfish terms it would have been better to fire him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.” On the moment John threw a punch at an egg hurler during the 2001 election campaign: “The egg was funny. The mullet was funny. The left hook was funny. The expressions on both their faces were funny.” [not as funny as the affair though, eh? - Ed]

Invading Iraq: “On the basis of what we know now, I still believe leaving Saddam in power was a bigger risk to our security than removing him and that, terrible though the aftermath was, the reality of Saddam and his sons in charge of Iraq would arguably be far worse.”

His feelings about lives lost in Iraq and Afghanistan: “Tears, though there have been many, do not encompass it. I feel desperately sorry for them, sorry for the lives cut short, sorry for the families whose bereavement is made worse by the controversy over why their loved ones died, sorry for the unfair selection that the loss should be theirs.’’ 

His mistakes: Foxhunting ban was “a disaster”. Accepting £1million donation from F1 boss Bernie Eccleston was “a really stupid lapse of judgment”. Trying to stop Ken Livingstone becoming London’s Mayor was “futile and stupid”. The Millennium Dome “wasn’t dreadful: it just wasn’t brilliant”. [Hang on, is that it? What about saying Bono could have been prime minister even though he's not British?  - Ed]

Cartoon: Chris Riddell, the Observer

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